Age is a relative thing, man

For some reason I have always had this idea in my mind that at least part of the accepted definition of "culture" comes from a white/eurocentric/heteronormative perspective and is thus inaccurate, if not flat-out bigoted. Even the concepts of anthropology and "ethnography" has always bothered me a little bit, because it seemed to imply we can study "different" cultures from some sort of neutral p.o.v., thus glean insight about "ourselves" and "our culture." I have long held the belief that we give far too much credence to "cultural difference" and that ultimately, we're all humans and similar, with geographic, linguistic, and religious barriers aside.

Being in Indonesia has done nothing but contradict this theory. Again, and again, and again.

If I've learned nothing else in this country it's that EVERYTHING is culture. It is so much more automatic, latent--phenomenological, if you will--than traditions or food or style of greeting. If affects perceptions of distance, of weight, of age, as well as ideas about morality, obligations, manners, and the other obvious cultural indicators. I am totally floored by it.

Take age. We all have some notion of what people at specific ages do and think. There's the "little kid" paradigm, the pre-teen and adolescent, the college student, twentysomething, senior citizen, etcetera. But what we take for granted is that the traits associated with a particular age or stage are culturally bound. Rachel and I have both commented numerous times to numerous people about how we feel as if we are teaching middle schoolers rather than 11th and 12th grade high school students. The girls are obsessed with accessory stores in the mall, stuffed animals and writing notes (okay, friendster messages) to one another. Most of them are borderline teacher's pets. The boys are notoriously "naughty" in the way that we think only recently pubescent boys can be. They fly paper airplanes, they come into class soaked in a can of soda from a lunch time food-fight, they actually WRESTLE with one another in the classroom. They refuse to get near the girls, and it really has little to do with the Muslim male/female separate-spheres business, and more with the fact that they have NO IDEA how to interact with one girls unless it's in a teasing--omigod he smells!--fashion.

Rachel and I have a running theory that whatever age you think an Indonesian is when you meet them, add three years. If they act like an eighteen-year old, they're at least 21. Etc. But I didn't realize quite how accurate this theory is until recently. I wrote about Ranie in my last post. And I mentioned her friend from Malaysia with whom I had a great conversation. Well, Malaysian friend has taken a liking to me and wants to befriend me, if nothing else. He stopped by my house (I was unavailable) and asked Ranie for my phone number. Now while she is adamant about the fact that she is NOT dating, nor does she WANT to date Thanes, she absolutely lost it when she realized he was interested in me on any level. She started barraging me with SMS that so closely mirror the conversations I had with friends my junior year in high school (after a boyfriend left me) that it's a little unnerving. "Forget Thanes, I hate him, he is a bad man, but if you want him, go for it! It's not my problem." "If Thanes talks to you, don't listen, because that boy tells many lies and I hate him." The subtext of this strained SMS dialogue seemed to be "I am jealous that my ex-person-I-was-dating/friend has an interest in you and therefore you must choose: him or me! But actually, I will demonize this guy so you will have no choice but to opt for this friendship with ME!"

I wish I had evidence of a situation I was in during high school, when I became jealous that my ex was still friends with my friends. I suppose it happens after high school as well. Now of course it stings a little, but you get over it, you set some boundaries ("I don't want to hang out with you guys if my ex will be around"), and you learn to hold your tongue. But Ranie did the impulsive high school girl thing and gave me a ridiculous ultimatum that was completely divorced from reason or reality. I wanted to be angry with her, but she was really just behaving the way a 16 or 17 year old girl would, and in some ways it's unfair for me to demand that she act like the kind of 20-year-old that I am familiar with. It just ain't the same here.

I'm gonna continue my thoughts about culturally-bound phenomena in future posts, if for no other reason than writing it down helps keep me sane.